“Waking up and plugging myself into the internet, I receive a receipt from an eBay seller instructing me to “GET PAST THE DISBELIEF AND GET ANGRY,” warning of a new U.N. law supposedly to be enacted January 1, 2010 to up the carcinogenic ratio in foods to engender population control.

Now, it wasn’t as if I was bidding on a vial of Dan Brown’s blood. Firstly, it’s terrible business sense to scare away happy customers with nutritional prophecy. Secondly, if someone does have enough power to legislate changes to the nutritional make-up of foods to make them slightly more killer than usual, I’d rather not know about it. The fact that I’m hearing this from a hammock salesman is baffling.”